Finding Our Rhythm

by Merritt on September 19, 2012

So…{insert slightly awkward pause} you haven’t heard from me for a while. If I were your spouse this reality wouldn’t bode well for our marriage. But thank goodness I’m not.

What’s that? You say you didn’t notice. That’s ok, my feelings aren’t hurt. I know you have better things to do than sit around and wonder why I haven’t written lately. But I will tell you the Husband has been getting a little more attention from me these days, so is anyone complaining? Ok. Great. Then we’ll just pick up where we left off… thanks for sticking with me. icon smile Finding Our Rhythm

Sept2012 BreckMed 300x247 Finding Our Rhythm Over the last several months I’ve been pondering my long-term vision for LiveSimplyLove. I LOVE marriage and the platform this blog gives me to share what we’ve learned along this newlywed journey. But you see, we’re getting close to that THREE-YEAR-MARK. The one where everyone says you’re no longer newlyweds anymore.

I’m not sure I believe in arbitrary rules like “you can’t wear white pants after Labor Day” or “you’re only newlyweds until you have kids or hit 3 years.” But I must say we are settling into something that feels a little different to me.

I’ll sit down to write a Make-Up-Monday post only to remember we had a conflict-free weekend. {Trust me, this does NOT mean we are conflict free. Just that they are fewer, different, smaller, quieter than they were in year one.}

We’ll be cooking {or cleaning up} dinner together and I’ll realize that we’re BOTH in the kitchen with smiles on our faces, learning to “dance” around each other in the narrow space between the stove and the sink, and having conversations about our day…without a hint of irritation…not to mention we’re getting the job done faster.

And what’s probably even more encouraging is this sense of growing trust I have for this man. It’s so different than anything I’ve experienced in any other relationship and so much more than what I had with him even just a year ago.

It’s a gentle, calming, peaceful, knowing trust. Accompanied by the understanding that he is FOR me. That we are a team. That we are growing in oneness. And that we really do find joy in being together. Even when we have struggles and even when we disagree.

I don’t know who has changed more, him or me. Given our story and the fact that I’ve always believed we are SOOO different…I couldn’t help but find it funny when a friend remarked last week about my absence at our community group: “Todd was there so it felt like you were there, too. You two are just so much alike.”

What????

If you had told me that in 2007, I might have punched your lights out. {Or at least tried.}

But today I’m proud of the fact that we’re rubbing off on each other. And hopeful that it’s in all the best ways. Yes, we still struggle. We for sure are NOT perfect. But we’re finding our stride. We’re learning each other—and still eager to do so. We apologize quickly. We ask forgiveness. We’re sharing more and more about our individual thoughts, fears, hopes and dreams. And we’re growing closer as a result.

I don’t have a recipe for the perfect marriage. But a wise friend suggested to me a few weeks ago that if there were one, it just might be the time spent continuing to work on the relationship with the gusto and enthusiasm you had when you were preparing for marriage.  {And if you didn’t do much in the way of pre-marital counseling/classes, you might just use the analogy of wedding planning in its place!}

If I have to answer now, I’d say this sounds like a pretty good idea. That, and finding ways to really enjoy one another. Whatever they are, figure them out by studying your spouse and learning what makes him/her tick. And wash, rinse, repeat for the rest of your lives.

That’s my wisdom after 2.866 years of marriage.

Aren’t you glad I’m back. icon wink Finding Our Rhythm

What have you been discovering in your marriage lately?

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