I met Sallie (through email) a few weeks ago. She was working on a lesson for the newly-married ministry curriculum at Watermark Community Church. A mutual friend pointed her in my direction and shared her lesson with me as a possible guest post. While the Husband and I are in the midst of moving towards starting a family, I really hadn’t gotten to a place of blogging about having children, only trying to have children. And remembering that I was once that 20-something thinking I had the perfect plan for my life, marriage and future-imagined-family, it seemed fitting to let Sallie share a little about the process that has her thinking differently about kids these days. Thanks, Sallie, for your willingness to share!
Introducing Guest Blogger, Sallie!
- She just celebrated her third wedding anniversary with her hubby Caleb
- They are both Texas Aggies living in Plano, TX
- She has a job in architecture, designing schools
- Sallie loves dabbling in anything art & design, reading (knee-deep in Narnia!), game nights and cooking with Caleb.
- You can follow her fun, artsy blog at: salliekate.blogspot.com
Like most early twenty-something girls in love, I had all my future kid plans made. I would get married, blissfully enjoy my husband for five years, then have two children–hopefully a boy and a girl spaced about 2 years apart–and then be done.
Our plans were perfect until I was a newlywed suffering from severe anxiety {we’re talking never-before-felt fears and unstable emotions in my usually well-balanced life} and bouts of insomnia, which led to more anxiety and unease. In a time of joy and new adventures with my sweet new husband and my new life, I felt like a wreck. I came to the point of feeling like the tiny little security pill I swallowed each evening was actually like poison to my body, so we turned to face fertility head-on.
This led us down the road of many questions and considerations–often uncomfortable ones. For the first time we honestly asked, Why were we postponing kid? Did God have anything to say to help steer us in some sort of direction? Did we think of kids as blessings or more as inconveniences?
Blessing Defined:
1 : A declaration of divine favor, or an invocation imploring divine favor on someone or something.
2 : a means of happiness; that which promotes prosperity and welfare; a beneficent gift.
The Bible says in Psalm 127:3
Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
So, I went back to the very beginning. In Genesis 1:22, God commanded the first lovers Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply.” They were free to be intimate, and I’m sure they happily and dutifully answered their charge to start filling the earth with their children.
I knew the inherent value of each life. Each person is precious to God, the author of life. Psalm 139:13-16 beautifully describes how He superintends each person’s formation in the womb. God has a plan and purpose for every person (Jeremiah 29:11)–nothing He does is on accident. He is the one who forms each life, sustains it, and ultimately takes it away.
I scrutinized how God views children. In Mark 10:13-16, the disciples viewed the little kids that surrounded Christ as individuals unworthy of Jesus’ attention, but Jesus lovingly saw them as important in their own right and possessing qualities that adults should cultivate. He became indignant when the disciples didn’t embrace the value of these children in God’s kingdom.
And I have witnessed the self-sacrifice required to rear children. But was placing a baby’s needs above your own actually beneficial and healthy? With a baby who is entirely dependent on parents to meet every need, parents must sacrifice time, energy, sleep, and personal space to care for their child. Raising young children can be a tiring task with all the demands of helpless little ones, so parents must look outside of themselves, becoming more dependent on the Lord. Anything that makes you more aware of your need for God is a blessing because it can be what brings you to your knees in humility.
Children are lifelong investments–and God uses them to stretch us and shape us, making it almost impossible to focus only on ourselves.
Our hearts have really changed as we looked beyond our well-laid plans. I wonder if you have waded through any of the same questions we did.
- What is the goal of your marriage? Do you believe children help or hinder this goal? Why?
- What things have you heard yourself/your spouse or other people say that reflect a view of children being a burden rather than a blessing?
Ok faithful blog readers, your turn, what are your thoughts? Are children a blessing from God?
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
There’s no question. Desi, my wife, and I have been so incredibly blessed by our kids and are so thankful that God substituted his plan for our own. We have four and one on the way. Often we are jokingly asked if we know how this happens or how to prevent it. I get the humor, but immediately think, “Why would I want to prevent God’s blessing on my life?” Selfish being that I am, I want any blessing God will give me. I think most folks do. In fact, I find it strange that people will ask God to bless them in so many other ways – good health, finances, relationships, etc., but in this one area, they will attempt to actively prevent God’s blessing from occurring. Personally, I don’t want to do anything to block God’s blessing from any part of my life, or my marriage. If he’ll bless us with more kids, bring them on. I’ll take a quiver full.
Hi Les -
Love your comment. Funny that others wonder about you guys and comment as such. They are really just little people, right! But I’m still reeling over the HUGE responsibility it is to BE RESPONSIBLE for even just one. But then on my run this morning I watched all the moms, dads and younger siblings accompanying their elementary-aged-littles to their first day of school today. Wishing I could read their minds…but I could sure read their faces. Fun stuff! Thanks for commenting!
no question that i’ve considered putting my children on Craig’s List as Free to a Good Home. (kidding) (mostly)
but i simply can’t imagine my life without them. they make laugh and think and love in ways i never could have without these two particular personalities in my life.
shoot! meant to “reply”…see below…
Thanks for visiting Sharideth – are you feeling better already? Hope so. You are so right about the personalities that live in those little bodies. We had dinner with friends last night (and their 9 and 3 year olds). He–the 9yo–could tell me the make and model of every car that drove by and she–the 3yo–was the most darling little pile of energy and joy I’d ever seen. And each one is clearly made different and special by God. And they seemingly have a powerful impact on the big-ones who made ‘em. Thanks for stopping by on your sick day.
Don’t forget to drink your o.j.
Chase and I had invisioned being married 5 yrs, while taking the bc pill, getting ourselves established, and then having a few kids. Long story short, 5 1/2 years later, we’ve had 10 kids in our home with #11 (our first bio) due next week. We’ve adopted 1 and have 2 adoptions in the works through foster care meaning by next week we’ll have a 4 yr old, 2 yr old, 9 month old, and newborn. Needless to say, the Lord changed our hearts in a few areas over the last couple years.
I echo everything Les said. Children are a blessing from the Lord and who am I to prevent those blessings. In the process the Lord using our kids to refine and sharpen us and draw us closer to the Father in ways nothing else can. Is it hard? Absolutly! Is it worth it? Absolutly!!!
Elizabeth – loved reading your story and seeing how God has changed your hearts. It’s so amazing to realize how His plan for our lives is often so different from ours. Hope your newborn entered the world safely and that all of you are adjusting!
I love the sweet peeks into the lives of those who have shared. Thanks for adding your stories to the mix – they are certainly testaments to this truth.
Sallie
Thanks again Sallie for sharing your story and spurring on a great conversation on this topic!