by Merritt on April 12, 2012

I have lots to say about kissing, but in the interest of keeping this brief for my A-to-Z Challenge visitors, I’m only going to focus on one aspect today: the 10-second kiss.

Last week my mother-in-law told me about a segment on The Today Show about kissing. You can watch the 4-minute video about the importance of kissing here. A big part of the segment is about the first kiss related to dating, but right about 3:00 minutes into the conversation they talk about the 10-second kiss {the article on the same page talks about it a bit more}.

What they don’t mention on the show is oxytocin, sometimes known as the “love hormone” {Google it, I swear this is true!} as the reason WHY kissing for longer than just a peck on the lips is important. When we cuddle, hug, kiss, and engage in other types of intimacy our bodies release this hormone that increases and reinforces attachment.

We first learned about this shortly after we were married. A counselor we knew suggested that engaging in long drawn out hugs {10-20 seconds} at least once a day would strengthen our marriage over time. The reason—oxytocin! Our bodies are actually created to chemically respond to the love and nurturing of a committed relationship. And longer kisses do the same thing.

Give the 10-second kiss a try tonight {10 seconds really is longer than you would guess} and let me know what you think in the comments below!

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Susan Criddle April 12, 2012 at 7:38 pm

I love getting your posts EVERYDAY now – THANK YOU! And have to agree – George C’s hugs are priceless. I always tell him every pain, anxiety goes away when he hugs me. They mean so much more since he travels A LOT. We both chose wisely and treat kindly (highlight is his hugs)…and my prayers have a lot of THANKS in them.

Thank you Merritt for writing –


Merritt April 13, 2012 at 10:49 am

Susan, that is just so darn sweet! You made my day. I’m not sure I actually thought people would LIKE reading every day…but thanks so much for letting me know. And hugs are the best….especially when they are long-awaited!


CW April 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Hi Merritt,

I’m not married and have never been married. I find this post relates very closely to your last post, about not drinking from marital intimacy too soon. Just as kissing builds a chemical bond, so much more painful is the detachment or separation that comes when the relationship ends. A GREAT reason to refrain from too much intimacy before marriage. God’s boundaries are good.

I found this out the hard way, and it bit me HARD. Becoming too intimate with someone in a relationship that was headed nowhere near marriage is one of the biggest regrets of my life.

I’m celibate now, and learning to submit to the total absence of kissing and its related pleasures (emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy, feel good hormones, etc). God is good, and his ways are perfect.

I can only hope that I can be as chaste as you were if I am ever in a relationship again. You’re a great role model!



Merritt April 12, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Hi CW – You are so right, it definitely relates to my last post and put together these are big part of God’s testimony in my life. You see, I didn’t always know the value of saving intimacy for marriage. I spent a lot of years getting bit HARD, as you say, allowing physical intimacy to rule in my relationships. And yes, it’s very painful. It took many years of healing, but God truly redeemed the years the locusts had eaten, even though I was the one who opened the door and let those darn locusts in!! The Lord used a book and a conference called Intimate Issues as a huge part of healing my heart from that. I plan to write more about that here one day. Stay tuned.

Til then, thanks so much for your honest comment and reflection about your own experience and the hard truth about the “love hormone”. I totally relate…and am encouraged that you’re allowing God to teach you through the pain. Trust me, the waiting will be worth it!


Katy@OurSimpleLoveStory April 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I might try it with my husband tonight without telling him why. 🙂


Merritt April 12, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Ha! You totally should! Let me know how it goes! 😉


Jody Watkins April 12, 2012 at 2:02 pm

My you are brave. First intimacy and not not only kissing but the invite to leave comments afterwards : )


Merritt April 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Ha, ha! I hadn’t considered that would be dangerous. 🙂 I guess we’ll see!


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