It never ceases to amaze me that Make-Up-Monday comes around, and I have some sort conflict to share with you all. I mean, it’s “easier” that way from a blogging perspective if I DO have something to share instead of racking my brain on Sunday night to try to figure out what to write. But it’s still somewhat shocking—after two years of marriage—that SOMETHING happens just about every week that registers in the conflict category. Ugh!
Me & the Husband at a black-tie event on Saturday night...yet another chance to wear my hair straight!
This one feels kind of mild compared to some of our other conflicts, but maybe that’s only because I tend to downplay my own flaws. {Am I the only one who does this? Hmm…I’m guessing not.}
So, it was last week. We had plans to meet up with friends for Game Night, and everyone was bringing finger foods to share with the group. I’d volunteered to make guacamole because I have this SPECIAL guacamole recipe that my parents and I learned during a visit to San Antonio about 10 years ago. We were at this amazing Mexican restaurant—one of those places where they make the guac right there at the table in front you—and we loved it so much that we asked the waiter for the recipe. He happily gave it to us, and I’ve made guacamole that way ever since.
That night, the Husband was sweet enough to stop by the grocery store on his way home for the freshest-of-fresh avocados. It’s a blessing to me when he volunteers to do things like this. I guess I get lazy when I’m home all day, and it just seems easier for him to do it on his way home. {Ah, yes, a reminder of how prone I am to allow the Husband to serve me, instead of the other way around.}
Not only did he get the five best avocados possible, he also picked up a bag of limes, which I remembered I needed at the very moment I was coming downstairs to start making the guac. {What a sweetie!} Of course, at this point we were both in the kitchen, conflict-central for our marriage. And he was offering suggestions about how I should make the guacamole. Can you EVEN believe it?? How dare he!! Or at least that’s how I felt at the time. And what came out of my mouth was an angry, spiteful “Why don’t you just let me do it MY way?!”
It was super prideful of me to respond that way. But he didn’t lash out at me {that’s my non-escalating Husband for you}. He just quietly left the room and went to lie down on the couch.
I proceeded to make the guacamole MY way, and all the while I quietly justified my response to him in my mind. I don’t need his help. Why was he telling me what to do? Do I look helpless or like I don’t know what I’m doing? Doesn’t he know that this is the BEST guacamole recipe EVER! And that it’s MINE!
{Oh, isn’t it so attractive when we act like two-year-olds!!}
And the whole time, as he took his little 20-minute rest on the couch, I continued to think I was in the right and he was in the wrong. And then it hit me. I’d lashed out at him. He wasn’t trying to provoke me, be unkind or even sabotage what I was doing. He’d been nothing but sweet…going to the store, thinking ahead about what we might need, volunteering to help, offering suggestions that would save me time and energy. He even chopped the onions!!
And I responded with pride, a know-it-all attitude and disrespect for him and his desire to serve me. Ugh!
It was almost time to leave…and against my desire to continue to feel righteous and justified in my response, I went over to the couch and gently touched his arm. He opened his sleepy eyes and looked at me with kindness. For a split second I thought, He’s not mad at me; therefore, I don’t even need to apologize.
But I knew better. So, instead I willed myself to say, “Baby, will you forgive me for raising my voice at you. That was really unkind.”
He softened instantly, and I not only realized my need for forgiveness but also received it as my own…even though, moments before, I didn’t think it was even necessary. “Yes, of course I forgive you,” he said.
And, once again, we were right with one another.
It didn’t have to happen that way. But it did. And I’m grateful for the ever-present reminder in everyday circumstances that I’m a sinner in need of grace. And my husband is a sweet example of welcoming me back every time I mess up. He doesn’t rub it in my face; he doesn’t fight back; he just waits. He’s not perfect either. But together, we get to give and receive one of the sweetest gifts of marriage—forgiveness.
And in that, we are reminded that it’s not something we figured out on our own…it’s something we learned along the way because of the grace that was first given to us.
What have you learned about resolving conflict in your marriage?
Got an example of getting through conflict to make-up on the other side? Big or little…check with your spouse, write it down and send it my way: merritt {at} livesimplylove {dot} com. We’d love to hear from you!
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
You guys are a great example! I know you aren’t perfect, but I’m thankful you share with us!
Thanks Melissa!!
love this. grace was first given us.
Amen! It’s truly the only place we can put our hope. Thanks for commenting Tara!
Great entry friend…that sounds oh so familiar but without the sweet resolution that ya’ll had! I enjoyed the underlined references too, helps me to catch up. Thanks for sharing! Lesley
Hi Lesley! So glad you stopped by. Thanks for your encouragement. We are always learning and truly I’ve found that writing about the experience helps me even more. I learn with every blog post. That’s a side effect of blogging about our marriage that I didn’t fully expect. Hope you guys are doing well!!