Yep it’s Monday, even though it feels like Saturday! I don’t have a Make-Up-Monday story for today and since it feels like a weekend I’m giving myself permission to stray from the formula a bit. And, the reality is, most of you probably won’t read this until Tuesday anyway because you’re enjoying a Monday-that-feels-like-Saturday too. Hope you had a Happy Labor Day!
As I’ve learned more about blogging, I’ve been studying Google’s top key words related to the topic of marriage (meaning the ones most searched). I’ve seen interesting trends—some that feel unspeakable in this space—and others that shed light on the height and depth of marital discontentedness in the world juxtaposed with the deep desire we as humans have for relationship, love, and affection.
For instance, I’ve noticed a higher percentage of men are searching for “how to love my wife” than there are women searching for “how to love my husband.” 
What could this mean? That women are better at knowing how to love their spouses (hmmm, really??), that women aren’t concerned with loving their spouses, or maybe that there are more men who understand the depth of their inadequacy in expressing love to their wives. Or it could be as simple as wives telling their husband they don’t feel loved and the husbands {staring blankly at her} having no clue what in the world she means or what would make her feel loved. So they turn to Google. I guess it could be any number of things. Bottom line, I’m learning that a lot of people are typing their questions about love, marriage, and relationships into the Google search field.
That being said, each week as I consider what to share for Make-Up-Monday I am faced with the reality that for every good and happy marriage there are many that are struggling, desperate, or on their last leg. There are husbands and wives who wish their conflicts were limited to housework, bedtimes, or work schedules. I’m certainly not minimizing those topics; I’m just saying I am aware of the serious issues that cause marital strife on top of the daily difficulties of living with another person who has needs, wants, and preferences. There are marriages battling infidelity, abuse, addiction, illness, loss, and other deeply difficult issues. There are spouses who have forgotten how to be loving or what it feels like to be loved. There are wives wishing that their husbands would die…soon. And I realize my perspective on these topics is limited. There are issues I cannot begin to address from a personal level as a neophyte to weddedness.
Although I am newly married, I certainly wasn’t born yesterday. Part of the blessing we experienced as a dating, and then married, couple was our deep involvement in the recovery program at our church. We served alongside men and women who have worked through alcohol/drug addiction, marital infidelity, divorce and remarriage (sometimes to the same spouse!), sexual addiction, childhood sexual abuse, infertility, abortion, anger, and the list goes on. We witnessed the openness with which they shared their struggles. We were blessed by the opportunity to pray with and for these men and women and then watch them trust God and do the hard work to fight for their marriages and their own personal healing. We literally saw miracles happen before our very eyes. Here’s just one encouraging example of a couple that remarried after divorce.
I share all of this today, knowing that the conflicts that I’ve highlighted on Make-Up-Monday don’t cover the full gamut of marital struggles. I still believe they are worth talking about, but I also want to acknowledge there are many other deeply difficult issues that may impact your marriage. There are wounds that feel like they will never heal. There are men and women struggling (often in silence) with one or more of the painful issues I’ve mentioned here. And what I most want to share is, if that’s you, you are not alone and there is hope.
The most important lessons I’ve learned and watched other couples learn in their efforts to heal the broken places of their hearts are:
Confession – admitting the truth of your wrongdoing against another (even if it’s small)
Repentance – feeling sincere remorse for past wrongdoing (literally, to turn the other direction)
Forgiveness – letting go of anger or resentment toward those who have hurt you
Amends – making it right, however possible, when you’ve done wrong to someone else
Learning how to do these four things before we met and married was probably the best gift we could have given each other and our marriage.
So, married or single, if you’ve got some big hurts in your life and have no idea where to start, check with your local church for a recovery program – one of the big ones is called Celebrate Recovery. If you’re in the Dallas area, check out Watermark Community Church’s marriage ministry (Re|Engage) or recovery ministry (Re:Generation).
I promise you, there is hope. You just have to know where to look for it.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Great entry, MO! Lee and I agree that learning how to resolve conflict through confession, repentance, forgiveness and making amends has been one of the most important gifts we have given one another, and enables us to live a life of joy together. Thanks for the encouragement and sharing hope!
Aww…love that! Thank YOU for commenting!