Have you ever seen the movie The River Wild? It’s about a couple with a failing marriage. They take their son on a river rafting trip and get caught up with some crooks who are attempting to escape with their loot.
Never heard of it? Well, that’s because it came out in 1994! The Husband found it on Netflix during our trip to Breck a few weekends ago. Yes, it looks a little ancient compared to today’s big screen excitement, and it’s hard to imagine Meryl Streep EVER looked that young. But it’s worth adding to your queue if you haven’t seen it.
However, the real reason I feel compelled to share this movie is because of a little conversation between Streep’s character and her mother—who hardly has an entire page of lines in the script. But her words in those few moments really pack a punch. Check it out {Sorry, haven’t been able to get the video to work on Chrome, but IE works fine. Click here if you have trouble.}:
“It’s because you give yourself an out,” she says.
It’s the world’s way…even 18 years ago in 1994…the world was teaching us that if you don’t like what you ended up with in marriage you can easily get out of it. Somewhere along the way marriage became a transaction rather than a commitment. {Sounds a little like hooking up if you ask me.}
I observed a similar conversation between a mother and dauther when we recently watched the {little more recent} movie “The Vow.” {Spoiler Alert!} Paige asks her mother Rita why she didn’t leave when Paige’s father had an affair. Rita says it’s because she chose to forgive him. {Ok, Hollywood, ya’ done good here.}
But I’m wondering if this isn’t the line that really stood out to you: “I chose to stay with him for all the things he’s done right and not leave him for the one thing he did wrong.”
It was a precious moment in the movie. Yet another bit of elder wisdom worth listening to. The Husband and I have talked about what we wish they would have had Rita say…maybe something actually referencing the vow or the promise she made to stay. {That WAS the title of the movie! Right?}
Anyway…just wanted to throw it out there to hear your thoughts.
Have you seen it? What did you think? If not, what are your thoughts about the vows you made or will one day make?
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I hated that part of The Vow. I think it’s ridiculous that women are expected to stay with men after they’ve been cheated on. I’m not saying they should leave every time, but the expectation that they should just stay and forgive after such a selfish, demeaning act seems to completely dismiss what the woman is going through. The husband made a vow too…
Hi Raven, Well, maybe it’s obvious by my post, but I respectfully disagree. I saw it as a choice she made…not an expectation. There are so many layers to fidelity, faithfulness and vows than what a simple movie can depict. Or a blog comment address. But “getting out” just because it’s hard, painful–even excruciating–is just as bad as the affair in my book. Both made a vow. And both have a responsibility to hold tight to it rather than try to find a way out.
Merritt, I agree with you. Marriage is going to be hard, both people are going to do things that need grace and forgiveness. When we entered marriage, we entered into a covenant not a contract. Thanks for your uplifting and challenging words!
Thanks for your encouraging words Becky. I totally agree.
Hi Merritt, I was also wondering about your opinion on this subject when the marriage involves physical or emotional abuse?
Hi again Raven,
Certainly there’s cause for concern in the case of physical or emotional abuse. I know there are some horrifically difficult marriages (and people) out there. But we’ve ALL fallen short of God’s design, and I can’t say I believe that anyone is beyond repair, help or change. God can do anything!
Every situation is different, but if a friend came to me and shared about an abusive spouse, I’d do everything I could to help the couple find help because no one should have to deal with something so difficult alone.
Thanks for asking.
Thanks for answering! I was just curious as to your opinion.
Like you said abuse is an extreme situation in which safety has to be considered. For many couples, physical/psychological abuse is not the reason for a couple bolting. The problem with giving yourself an out is once the option is there, you have provided an opportunity to escape when you are at your weakest point. In the heat of the moment when our heart, soul, and spirit has been wounded, escape seems rational. I praise the Lord for the grace he gave my husband and I when we went through our trial of fire. There were some who would probably would have told me to leave, but God’s mercy and love to both of us, cried out loudly, forgive and love just as I have forgiven and loved you. Now over 4 years later, I praise the Lord for the fire that scarred my heart because it also purified me as well as our marriage!
Thank you for daring to tread where few others do Merrit!
Jody – thanks so much for sharing your story. We are far too willing to get out when things get hard. Our society tells us it’s Ok. We blame others for our own issues. We don’t want to look our sin in the face and do the hard work to let the Lord refine us. But as you say, He WILL do that if we allow it and in the process He will purify our hearts and draw us closer to Him so we can see the big picture instead of what’s just right in front of us. Thanks again so much for your comment. It’s always nice to hear from you!