So it feels a bit like a cop-out to misspell a word in order to use it for this A-to-Z Challenge post, but I’m already a day late. I’m thinking it’s not going to get any better than this. For those who may be wondering how he feels about it, this topic was actually the Husband’s suggestion. Plus, I woke up this morning writing it in my head. It was meant to be.
I have a bunch of ex-boyfriends, more than I’d prefer to count. Many of them were serious I-think-I’m-in-love-with-you relationships. While others were more, I-think-I’d-rather-date-you-than-be-lonely relationships. Sad but true. I didn’t have a good handle on what serial dating would do to my heart. I just thought I knew what I needed in the moment and went for it. This went on through my teens, into my 20s and a year or two into my 30s. And then something changed.
The big change was Jesus. And with Him came the realization that the One who would love me truly, deeply and faithfully had been there all along. Yes, I’ll admit, even though God’s love is perfect, it’s not the same as a person. And there was still a huge part of me that desired a spouse.
And then the dry spell came. I might have gone on one date {and maybe one I-hope-this-is-a-date} in four years. It was so good. I needed it. And for a good portion of that time it was an intentional break from dating to heal the parts of my heart that were broken and numb from my early dating years. But I also spent a lot of that time wrestling with God about why He hadn’t yet brought me a husband.
And then, in the summer of 2006, I had a boyfriend again—at last. There’s much that could be called “good” about that particular relationship; but there was a lot that was difficult. We had some VERY similar struggles—insecurity, people-pleasing and fear—so when things were bad, it was very painful. He was probably more aware of this than I was. I just wanted it to work out; I was tired of waiting.
But 11 months into it, he wasn’t sure. I was ready to move forward. He wanted to take a break to sort through his feelings. I honored his desire and we didn’t speak for a month. I was sure he would come back, ready. Or at least I wanted to be sure of that. Instead, after 30 days, he broke up with me at the Olive Garden. I was crushed. He knew we weren’t right for each other, but I so wanted him to be wrong about that.
I celebrated my birthday a week after our breakup. I remember it like it was yesterday; my friends gathered around to try to cheer me up. It felt more like a funeral than a birthday party. And then, I kinda fell off the face of the earth. I needed to grieve this heartbreak, and I needed to do it apart from everyone who had been part of our story. I joined a running group and started training for a marathon. I lost 15 pounds, in part from training harder than I ever had before and in part because I didn’t feel like eating. It was awful, and it seemed like I’d never get over feeling so sad.
Four months later, Todd {the Husband} would tell you that God flipped a switch in his heart. He knew we were meant to be together. He thought and prayed about it for a month, and then he asked me out. I was still reeling from the previous break-up. I couldn’t possibly say yes. {Insert long story of faithful friendship turned “maybe-you-can-ask-me-out-again” and then almost two years of dating.}
When we were engaged in 2009, Todd asked me how I would feel about having my ex as one of his groomsmen. You see, they didn’t just know each other, they were close friends. He would never do it if I wasn’t okay with it. And for a long time I wouldn’t have been. But in two years I’d witnessed God’s tremendous healing of my heart. I’d gotten over wondering what I’d done wrong in the previous relationship and was able to value this person I’d dated who was wise {and brave} enough to end it when I couldn’t see the truth. I was ready to call him a friend again.
And on that joyful day in November, I knew without a doubt, that the man in the tuxedo standing closest to me was the husband the Lord had chosen.
Have you ever felt like God wasn’t answering your prayers the way you wanted Him to?
Photo Credit: Ivan Luk
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Merritt, this post blessed me a lot. My husband’s ex-fiancee goes to Watermark, and through a series of God’s weird workings, I ended up being one of five women she is discipling. People always think it’s strange and that it should be awkward (and I’ll be honest, there are moments when it is), but because all parties involved have healed so completely, it’s right and fine. Thanks for sharing your story and making me feel more normal!
Hi Ginni – Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your story. I know a lot of people who weren’t as close to us probably thought it was strange, and like you said, there were times when it was, but in the end I think God was glorified. Thanks again so much for your comment! Hope you are doing well.
Thanks so much for sharing your story Merritt. I was hoping I would hear it soon: ) There have been many times I though God hadn’t heard me, one of those times was like yours, when I asked for a husband. To the single women out there, I would say hang in there. silence and waiting doesn’t mean “No” nor does it mean God hasn’t answered. My husband was dating and engaged during my darkest hour and though it seemed there were no prospects, he was right there, having his heart rent and his walk with the Lord strengthened. The right one is worth the wait. When he does come I can guarantee you will have a slew of ah-ha moments as you look back and see the times you felt abandoned and see God was there right in the thick of things!!!
So, so true Jody. For both of us it was a long difficult wait, and though I often wish we’d met or knew each other earlier in life, as we look back, neither one of us was ready for the other until the moment we were. I learned God can be trusted not just because I “got what I wanted” but because He was faithfully by my side loving me thru it all…especially the worst of it.